[Mishmash] Fwd: The $2 Bill

[Richard Barth]

>>
>>The $2 Bill
>>Everyone should start carrying them!
>>
>>I am still laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills 
>>and bring them out in public.  The younger generation doesn't know they exist.
>>
>>Story:
>>
>>On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat.
>>In my bill fold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a 
>>$2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about 
>>anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.
>>
>>Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."
>>
>>Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"
>>
>>Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my bill fold and hand 
>>him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny
>>
>>Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
>>
>>He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The 
>>following conversation occurs between the two of them.
>>
>>Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
>>Manager: "No. A What?"
>>Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
>>Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
>>Server: "Yeah, thought so."
>>
>>He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have 
>>anything else?"
>>
>>Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills" Why?"
>>
>>Server: "I don't know."
>>Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
>>Server: "Yeah."
>>Me: "So, why won't you take it?"
>>Server: "Well, hang on a sec."
>>
>>He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a 
>>shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."
>>
>>Manager: "Does he have anything else?"
>>Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and 
>>get change."
>>Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
>>Server: "What should I do?"
>>Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
>>Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."
>>Manager: "Just tell him."
>>Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."
>>
>>The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big
>>bills this time of night."
>>
>>Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."
>>
>>Manager: "We don't take those, either."
>>Me: "Why not?"
>>Manager: "I think you know why."
>>Me: "No really, tell me why."
>>Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
>>Me: "Excuse me?"
>>Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
>>Me: "What on earth for?
>>Manager: "Please, sir."
>>Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
>>
>>Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
>>Me: "No."
>>Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."
>>Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
>>
>>At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the 
>>phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the 
>>dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few 
>>minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.
>>
>>Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
>>Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) 
>>funny money."
>>Guard: "No kidding! What?"
>>Manager: "Get this...A two dollar bill."
>>Guard  (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"
>>
>>Manager: "I don't know. He's kind a weird. He says the only other 
>>thing he has is a fifty."
>>Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"
>>Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."
>>Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"
>>Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
>>Guard: "Yeah."  Security Guard walks over to me and......
>>Guard: " Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
>>
>>Me: "Uh, no."
>>Guard: " Lemme see'em."
>>Me: "Why?"
>>Guard" "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
>>
>>At this point I am ready to say. "Sure, Please!" but I want to eat, 
>>so I say "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this 
>>two dollar bill."
>>
>>I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a 
>>swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his 
>>hands and says. "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
>>
>>Manager: "It's fake."
>>Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
>>Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."
>>Guard: "Yeah?"
>>Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
>>
>>The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot and it 
>>dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my 
>>burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those 
>>cinnamon thingies, too.
>>
>>Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see 
>>what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I get the right group of 
>>people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.
>>
>>Just think...those two probably voted!!!!

The stamp machine at the local post office used to give out Sacagawea 
dollar coins for change.  I wonder if there's an easy place to get 
two-spots.  Give you something to do on a dull day besides
squat thrusts on an elephant's back.



Richard Barth *** W3HWN(at)ARRL.NET *** Silver Spring, MD