[Mishmash] Fwd: Fw: GTE Darwin Awards

[Hugh Gigante]

More proof we should force a license for breeding based on a simple logic 
test!

Hugh
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Susan Flewelling" <kmm at nucleus.com>
To: <mishmash at mishmash.net>
Sent: Sunday, January 28, 2007 9:29 PM
Subject: [Mishmash] Fwd: Fw: GTE Darwin Awards


>
>>Subject: Fw: GTE Darwin Awards
>>
>>
>>It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual 
>>honour given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by 
>>killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's 
>>winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over 
>>on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's 
>>winner was a real rocket scientist.
>>
>>HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE 
>>STORY.
>>
>>A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, 
>>because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with 
>>milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into 
>>the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his 
>>house down, killing both him and his sister.
>>
>>Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when 
>>another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the 
>>occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and 
>>crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around 
>>their ankles.
>>
>>A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus 
>>straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County 
>>police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps 
>>together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the 
>>trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren 
>>Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone 
>>because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had 
>>assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the 
>>ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 
>>"Major trauma."
>>
>>A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a 
>>friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The 
>>friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
>>
>>Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a 
>>gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all 
>>potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had 
>>been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon 
>>entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the 
>>dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later 
>>described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and 
>>retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of 
>>the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces 
>>of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but 
>>the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician 
>>suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by 
>>his peers.
>>
>>The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded 
>>in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The 
>>wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The 
>>type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally 
>>pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... had somehow 
>>gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel 
>>rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 
>>"push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala 
>>out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He 
>>attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired 
>>off the JATO!
>>
>>The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 
>>Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from 
>>the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at 
>>that location.
>>
>>The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 
>>5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and 
>>continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and 
>>soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog 
>>fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become 
>>irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile 
>>remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) 
>>before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the 
>>tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming 
>>airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a 
>>height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. 
>>Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small 
>>fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and 
>>finger<?/x-tad-bigger><?x-tad-bigger>n<?/x-tad-bigger><?x-tad-bigger>ail
> and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a 
> portion of the steering wheel.
>>
>>Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed 
>>of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on 
>>the ground.
>>
>>You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
>>
>>AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND CAN VOTE - SCARY, 
>>ISN'T IT?
>
>
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